YuGiOh Behind the Scenes!
by Di Gi Ryuu
Summary: What are the Yu-Gi-Oh characters really like when they are not on the show? Yami is a pissy actor, Yugi loves getting his revenge, Honda is drunk, Anzu is violent, Jounouchi is the savior, and Bakura is a member of Men In Black?? Anzu bashing! Commercials
1. Episode 1: Meet the real Characters!

**I have decided to make a silly Fanfic. This is Yu-Gi-Oh behind the scenes! I hope everyone likes this fanfic, I've done my best to make it funny. The characters in the story are OOC big time.**  
  
  
  
Yu-Gi-Oh Behind the Scenes  
  
Yami is sitting in director's chair looking over the script with a frown on his face. Yugi is just smiling and watching the crew set up for the next scene.  
  
"You know what," said Yami. "Why is it that I have to be the stuck in that Puzzle?" Yugi looked up at Yami and blinked. "Why couldn't you be stuck in the friggin puzzle, small fry? And why is it that no one treats me like Pharaoh! I'm the reincarnation of Pharaoh for Pete's sake! Your fired for no apparent reason."  
  
Suddenly, Yugi's eyes filled with tears and his smile faded.  
  
"I.I can't help it that I'm short," cried Yugi. "It's my mom's fault, damn her genes! Why can't us little people get any respect?!" Yugi leapt off the chair and ran off crying while Yami grinned. Two men were carrying a background board and Yugi ran right through it. The two men stood there and stared at the hole Yugi made in the background board.  
  
"God damnit," grumbled one of the men in a British accent. "We worked bloody hard on that. Ah, bugger this." The tossed away the background then walked away to get some early lunch.  
  
The director was heading out of his office when suddenly Yugi ran him right over (like he was in a stampede) and ran out of the studio.  
  
"I'll make you pay, Yami!" called Yugi as he ran into people, causing them to fly up into the air.  
  
"Yami opened his big mouth again and fired Yugi again, didn't he," groaned the director as he peeled himself off the floor. The director stormed over to Yami who was sitting casually in the director's seat. "I believe you are in my chair..." Yami lifted his blood red eyes up to the director.  
  
"I sit where ever I please," he said. "I am the friggin Pharaoh so I can sit where ever I friggin want. Now fetch me a diet soda." Yami snapped his fingers a few times. The director kicked the seat Yami was sitting on over, causing Yami to fall and land on his face.  
  
"Damnit Steve!" yelled Yami. "I just got my face done!"  
  
"The only person who is Pharaoh is me," yelled the director. Out of no where, he pulled out a Pharaoh hat and put it on. He then started to do a crazy Egyptian dance while chanting. "Who's your Pharaoh, baby?' Yami growled and picked up the broken chair. He smashed it over the director's head (WWF style) and knocked him out.  
  
"I'm your Pharaoh, baby," taunted Yami as he picked up the Pharaoh hat and placed it on. He started to march away but suddenly heard the sound of fire roaring. He turned to see the director standing up while his whole body was on fire. He had solid red, demonic, eyes and he was staring at Yami.  
  
"Give..that...back....Pharaoh wanna-be," said the director. Yami gave the director "The Finger", then tilted his chin up and marched away. The director turned back to normal with his jaw hanging.  
  
"Well..that was unexpected," he said. "I was expecting him to cower in fear and cry for his mommy." Yami turned around and suddenly grew taller and had scarier looking eyes then the director had.  
  
"Who is crying for whose mommy?" barked Yami in a deep voice. The director yipped and scrambled away towards a corner like a puppy dog.  
  
"I was," cried the director as he coward. "Mommy...help me..." Yami smirked and turned back to his normal self.  
  
"That is better," he said. As he turned someone smacked him over the head with a wooden sword. Yami crashed to the ground and groaned in pain. He turned to face an angry looking Anzu with fire in her eyes as she stared down at him.  
  
"You fired Yugi again," yelled Anzu as she waved around the wooden sword frantically. She then started to whack Yami over the head with her sword over and over. "Bad! Bad! Bad!"  
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" cried Yami. Yami whimpered like a dog and cowered. Jounouchi popped out of no where and headed over to Anzu. He picked her up, and tossed her away into a moving by pastry truck.  
  
"Leave my buddy alone, wench!" barked Jou. "Go pick on someone the same gender as you, women!" Yami sat up with sparkles in his eyes.  
  
"Jounouchi, you saved me from the wicked witch of the west!" said Yami happily. Jounouchi smirked, which caused his teeth to go "ding" as they flashed. Yami fell back. "OW! Damn it Jou! You left the Crest White Strips on for too long!" Jounouchi covered his mouth and mumbled "Oops". Honda came dancing into the studio with a Budweiser bottle in his hand and suddenly hugged Yami; it appears that Honda is drunk.  
  
"I love you hiccup guys," he said as he Yami tried to push him off so he could breathe. "You guys are hiccup so good to hiccup me."  
  
"Can't.....breathe....." choked Yami as he flailed his arms.  
  
"Oh gods," cried Jounouchi. "Honda is drunk again. Where does he get that stuff anyway? He is only 17!" Out of no where, the band Great Big Sea popped out and started to play "It's the end of the world."  
  
"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine!" sang the lead singer. Jounouchi picked up a nearby baseball and chucked it at him. The baseball smacked the lead singer in the head, causing it to make the sound of a bat hitting the baseball.  
  
"Hey! Shuddup over there!" he yelled as the lead singer fell down. "I can't stand that song!" The band stopped playing.  
  
"We're sorry," they said and bowed their heads. They picked up the unconscious singer and suddenly vanished. Jounouchi fell back and turned white as a ghost.  
  
"Damn...that was very creepy," he said as his left eye twitched. Yami sat there and blinked. He was then whacked in the head by an incoming soda can. The room made a loud crashing sound when Yami hit the floor.  
  
"There is your damn soda you friggin Pharaoh phony!" yelled the director.  
  
"Let the bodies hit the floor!" sang the lead singer from Drowning Pool. Jounouchi blinked and looked towards the band.  
  
"Ok, why the hell are there singers in a Yu-Gi-Oh studio? And how did they get into the anime world?" Drowning Pool stopped playing and looked around. They suddenly screamed when they realized they were anime characters. They ran out of the studio, running over the director in the process.  
  
"What is with people running over me!" yelled the director as he lay on the floor twitching.  
  
"Because its funny," giggled the writer of this fanfic. Everyone looked up to where they heard the voice.  
  
"God?" said one of workers in the studio.  
  
"Not exactly," said the writer. "But you can praise me all you want." The worker got on his knees and started to worship air.  
  
"Hey! Will you stop messing around up there, block head!" yelled Jounouchi. The room was dead silent for a moment, then filled with sound of knuckles cracking.  
  
"Block head huh? Alright then," said the writer. The room fills with the sound of typing. Suddenly, six flats of Pepsi appeared above Jou and fell directly on Jou's head. Everyone cringed as Jou was buried under the cans of soda pop.  
  
"That's gotta hurt," said the British worker. "I hope that they won't lower our wages to pay for his funeral." His friend nodded his head in agreement. Flowers bloomed around the soda cans as funeral music played.  
  
"Hey! Pepsi sucks!" called one of the workers. The funeral music came to a rough stop. Ten flats of Coke appeared over his head and landed directly on him.  
  
"Ignorant bastard. Now, does anyone else want to call the mighty one a block head or say that my favorite drink sucks?" asked the writer. "Speak now or forever hold your peace." The room filled with silence except for the sound of crickets.  
  
"That goes for you too, bugs!" yelled the writer. The crickets immediately fell silent. "Now, everyone get back to work." Everyone hurried on to what they were doing before the incident happened. Yami picked up the soda the director threw at him and looked it over.  
  
"Hey! Diet lemon coke tastes like Mr.Clean!" whined Yami. "If I wanted to drink that, I would've gone to the janitor room and drink the whole friggin bottle." A bottle of Lemon Mr.Clean fell right onto Yami's head and knocked him out. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked towards Yami. Then everyone looked up to a see a man with a cape on standing on the railings where some wires were.  
  
"Whenever there is a dirty kitchen, I am there," said the man. "Whenever there is a dirty bathroom, I am there. Whenever you are stressed over having no good cleansers, I'll be there. For I am..." The figure jumped down and landed on the ground. A light shined down on the man, who is actually Mr.Clean, as he stood proudly with his fists resting against his hips. "Mr.Clean!" The whole room burst into applauses.  
  
Mr.Clean walked over to the bottle and picked it up. He opened it and sniffed it. He looks towards the readers and winks as the "Mr.Clean" song played.  
  
"Smells like Summer," said Mr.Clean with a big smile on his face.  
  
"And CUT!" someone yelled. "That is a wrap people!" Mr.Clean tossed the open bottle of Lemon Mr.Clean over his head as he walked to the cooler to get a beer. The cleanser lands right onto Honda; causing him to drink some of it. He sat up and hiccuped bubbles while grinning stupidly.  
  
"Ooo, I'm in outer space," he said as he hiccuped more bubbles. "I can see Mars."  
  
"Man," said Yami as he stood up and brushed himself off. "That must've been the longest Mr.Clean commercial ever. It had everything!" Everyone nodded in agreement. "I wonder if they will let us do a coke commercial."  
  
Suddenly, a loud "CRASH" filled the room. Everyone turned to see Yugi wearing sunglasses, and dressed in a commando suit with a gun in his hand stepping into the room while three tanks followed after him (after knocking down the wall for him). Riding the tanks were small anime characters cheering while waving around weapons in their hands.  
  
"Boys, its time for operation take over," smirked Yugi as he loaded his weapon. "Time for us little people to get the respect we deserve. Take no prisoners!"  
  
"Aw crap," said Yami as he slapped his forehead. "Not again."  
  
The End  
  
**I'm sorry if this sucked, I really tried. I just hope some of you liked it. hopefulish look Please don't flame me. cowers BTW, I have nothing against the familiar people in this fic, I just did this so people could get a laugh out of it. If you want another chapter of this, then please say so in the reviews and I'll gladly think of another one. Bye for now!** 


	2. Episode 2: MrClean's Minor Accident, who...

**I've decided to write another insane fic. This is Episode 2 of behind the scenes!**  
  
Episode 2  
  
The studio was rebuild, after Yugi and his troops trashed it completely, a few months later. Yami hired Yugi back to calm him down and also hired the other short anime chars.  
  
"Where is my friggin soda?!" yelled Yami. Mokuba came running over to Yami with a tray of open soda pop.  
  
"Here you are sir," said Mokuba. Yami puffed up his cheeks.  
  
"Damn it Moku, as I said in Episode one, DIET LEMON COKE TASTES LIKE FRIGGIN MR.CLEAN!" he yelled. He then hid under his chair in case Mr.Clean decided to show up (he throws Mr.Clean Lemon cleansers at people when he appears.)  
  
Suddenly, Mokuba was whacked in the head by an incoming Mr.Clean bottle. Moku dropped to the ground as the open soda cans spilled all over Yami.  
  
"Ack!" cried Yami. "My expensive Calvin Kelin boxers are getting stained!" NOOOO!" He placed his hands against his cheeks and looked completely horrified (popular thing people use, its off of a painting. I can't remember what it is called.)  
  
"Whenever there is a dirty kitchen, I am there," said the man. "Whenever there is a dirty bathroom, I am there. Whenever you are stressed over having no good cleansers, I'll be there. For I am..." The figure jumped down and landed on the ground. A light shined down on the man, who is actually Mr.Clean, as he stood proudly with his fists resting against his hips. "Mr.Clean!" The whole room burst into applauses.  
  
"...Damn, talk about friggin flash back," said Yami as he cleaned himself up with a towel.  
  
"The writer decided to reuse my scene because she is lazy," announced Mr.Clean. The room fills with gasps as they looked up to the sky.  
  
"I...er..uh.." said the writer. "How dare you! I never liked you Toliet man!" The room becomes dead silent. The sound of typing fills the room. A large bottle of non-brand cleanser was sailing down from the ceiling and landed on Mr.Clean. Everyone gasped.  
  
"You killed Mr.Clean!" they cried.  
  
"No, I just brutely wounded him," muttered the writer. "Don't test my patience." Everyone cowered in fear.  
  
"Good," beamed the writer.  
  
The ambulance came rushing into the studio. The song "Everybody hurts" by REM plays as they carried Mr.Clean away on a stretcher.  
  
"For pity sake, don't have to rub it in!" Mr.Clean yelled at the band as he was carried into the ambulance.  
  
"Wha? This isn't the MTV Music Awards?" asked the lead singer. "Damn it, wrong studio again boys." The band groans as they pack up the equipment and left the studio.  
  
"Get back here! I am gonna kick your ass!" yelled Mr.Clean. "And I am gonna get the writer for nearly killing me with a non-brand cleanser!"  
  
"I'd like to see you try," said the writer as she laughed Nauga the Serpent style. Everyone watched as the ambulance doors closed and drove away while Mr.Clean continued to yell.  
  
"Well damn, since Mr.Clean had a minor accident," said the director as looked up with a frown on his face. "We need a temporary replacement." Everyone turned his or her heads to Yami. Yami was drinking a diet 7-Up. He stopped after taking note that everyone was staring at him.  
  
"...Oh no," said Yami as he dropped his soda and backed up. "I am NOT going to be friggin bald! Don't even think about it! AHHHHH!"  
  
***  
  
"They thought of it.." whined Yami. They put a swim hat on him to make him look bald. Also they put him in a rubber suit to make him look muscular. He stood there with a cape on while the crew prepared for his screen shot.  
  
Yugi was sitting in Yami's chair, snickering. Yami looked over at Yugi and growled.  
  
"Stop your friggin laughing, midget!" barked Yami. Yugi sniffed and cowered.  
  
"Alright, do you know your lines?" asked the director.  
  
"Why must I say those friggin lines?! Mr.Clean is no super hero!" yelled Yami.  
  
"He's gotcha there," said the writer.  
  
"Just do it!" demanded the director. "Or else you won't get anymore diet sodas." Yami gaped.  
  
"You sick son of a-" started Yami.  
  
"Bitch is a female dog," explained a nearby worker. "Some people use it as an insult but it means a female dog." The worker walking beside him nodded his head.  
  
"Now then, take your place," said the director. Yami climbed up the stairs leading to the railings while grumbling.  
  
"Ok, scene one take one," said one of the workers.  
  
"Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd, action!" cried the director.  
  
"Whenever there is a dirty kitchen, I am there," said Yami. "Whenever there is a dirty bathroom, I am there. Whenever you are stressed over having no good cleansers, I'll be there. For I am..." Yami jumped down and landed on the ground. A light shined down on him as he stood proudly with his fists resting against his hips. "Mr.Clean!" The whole room burst into applauses.  
  
"Cut!" cried the director.  
  
"What?" said Yami.  
  
"You didn't jump high enough," he replied. The whole room of people fell to the floor (anime style) while groaning.  
  
"Jump around!" sang House of Pain. "Jump up Jump up and get down!"  
  
Everyone screamed as the room filled with the sounds of a gun. House of Pain dodged the bullets and looked up to see Bakura with a shotgun in his hand, wearing a black suit, and a pair of shades.  
  
"Hands up, aliens," said Bakura. Everyone in the room threw their hands up. "Not you, idiots." Everyone put his or her hands down. "You guys, the so called House of Pain."  
  
The band looked at each other, then ran. Bakura jumped down from his hiding place. He then shot all the imposters in the head with ease.  
  
"I can't stand that song, you guys are horrible at it," said Bakura.  
  
He turned to see everyone staring at him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out something. "You all won't remember any of this." He pressed a button and the room filled with a bright light.  
  
***  
  
"Cut!" cried the director.  
  
"What?" said Yami.  
  
"You didn't jump high enough," he replied. The whole room of people fell to the floor (anime style) while groaning.  
  
"Wha..?" said Yami as he got up. "Don't say I have to do it again!"  
  
"Start climbing the ladder, Yami," said the director as he motioned towards the ladder leading up to the railings.  
  
"You-" started Yami.  
  
"Bastard is a funny anime show," said one of the workers taking a break. "You have to see it sometime, it's really good."  
  
"Sounds good indeed," said the worker sitting beside him.  
  
Yami climbed up the ladder while grumbling about how Mr.Clean is gonna pay when he gets back. Yami took his place.  
  
"Scene one take two," said the worker.  
  
"Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, action!" cried the director.  
  
"Whenever there is a dirty kitchen, I am there," said Yami. "Whenever..What was the next line again?"  
  
***  
  
"Scene one, take sixty eight," said the exhausted worker. Yami was looking like he would drop to the floor, he was literally bored to death.  
  
"And action.." said the director in a bored voice.  
  
"Whenever there is a dirty kitchen, I am there," said Yami. "Whenever there is a dirty bathroom, I am there. Whenever you are stressed over having no good cleansers, I'll be there. For I am..." Yami jumped down and landed on the ground. A light shined down on him as he stood proudly with his fists resting against his hips. "Mr.Clean!" The whole room burst into applauses.  
  
"Perfect!" cried the director. Everyone sighed in relief.  
  
"Finally," said Yami as he flopped down in his seat.  
  
"Alright, set up for scene two," cried the director.  
  
"You suck, Yami," said Yugi. "How could you forget your lines fifty times?"  
  
"Shut up small fry," growled Yami. "If you think you would make a better Mr.Clean then start stalking on a lifetime supply of growing pills." Yugi's eyes filled with tears.  
  
"Your so mean!" screamed Yugi. He got up and ran out of the studio while running over people in the process.  
  
"No mercy for you Yami!" cried Yugi.  
  
"Damn it Yami!" yelled the director. "You've doomed us all again!"  
  
"...Not my friggin fault the kid is short," said Yami. "Moku! Soda!" Suddenly, the entire studio started to shake. Yami fell out of his chair while everyone ran around panicking.  
  
"GOD IS ANGRY! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE!" screamed one of the workers. He started to run around in circles saying, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!".  
  
The rumbling suddenly stopped. Everyone turned his or her heads to see Yugi standing beside a platform with a large bomb sitting on it. He had a remote control in his hand with a red button.  
  
"Hehehehehehe!" laughed Yugi. "I'm gonna spend you all to outer space. HEHEHEHEHEHE!" Yugi danced around the bomb, chanting "Shorts rule and talls drool!"  
  
"You little punk!" yelled Yami. "You ran over my favourite vending machine. YOU'RE FIRED!" Yugi stopped dancing and gaped at Yami.  
  
"Wha..again..?" whimpered Yugi.  
  
"Yami you-" started the director.  
  
"Ass is another name for a donkey," explained the worker. "It is strange though to call a donkey an ass, makes it sound like you're insulting them."  
  
"Sure does," said the other worker. They both turned their heads to see the giant bomb aiming at the studio. "OH CRAP" they said at the same time.  
  
"That is it! I can no longer take your abuse!" cried Yugi. He pushed the red button.  
  
"NOOO!" everyone screamed.  
  
"Mother.." said the director.  
  
"GOD WHY!" screamed a worker. The room filled with a bright flash.  
  
To be continued.  
  
**I hope you liked this episode, stay tuned for episode 3!** 


	3. Episode 3: Devistation and more devistat...

Episode 3: Devastation and...even more devastation?  
  
A small little phuff sound came from the bomb, along with a small puff of smoke. Everyone in the room blinked and looked to the bomb with puzzled look. Yugi's mouth was hanging open when he saw that the bomb was a dud.  
  
"Weevil! Get your ass over here!" Yugi yelled.  
  
Weevil stumbled over to Yugi and looked to what was left of the bomb.  
  
"Explain yourself, Weevil." Yugi folded his arms and tapped his foot on the ground.  
  
"Strange..I hooked it up properly and it I made extra sure it wasn't a dud. I don't know why it didn't set off when you pressed the button."  
  
Everyone stood there as Weevil examined the bomb.  
  
"The hell?"  
  
Yami blinked when Weevil pulled out Pepsi stuff out from the hollow bomb. Mutters filled the room.  
  
"There is only one person who did this," exclaimed Yami.  
  
He turned and pointed a finger up to the sky.  
  
"Eh?" said the writer. "What are you looking at me for?"  
  
"Don't play innocent!" growled Yami. "We all know you love friggin Pepsi."  
  
"No kidding, Sherlock," grumbled Jounouchi. He was wrapped up in many bandages and he was sitting in a wheel chair.  
  
"Ehehehe," giggled the writer. "That was a life or death situation, Jounouchi-kun."  
  
"Life and death my ass! And don't call me Jounouchi-kun!"  
  
Jounouchi started to flail his arms and legs madly in attempt to get out of his chair. He stopped after hearing and feeling his bones snapping. Yami grimaced.  
  
"Didn't that hurt?" he asked.  
  
"...Hospital..." Jounouchi choked out.  
  
"That's what you get!" beamed the writer.  
  
"You know..your cruel." said a sober Honda that was leaning against the wall.  
  
"The hell?" said the puzzled writer. "You are suppose to be drunk! You're not allowed to be sober!"  
  
Suddenly, a Budwiser trunk drove into the studio and ran over Anzu who was trying to limp over to Yami.  
  
"Aie!" screamed Anzu before the trunk flattened her.  
  
"Your sober life ends here, Honda." said the writer with a grin.  
  
"Beer!!" Honda cried happily. He bolted after the trunk and flailed his arms happily. "Wait for me! I can't stand this soberness life! Take me back to the bikini land!"  
  
Sweat drops slid down everyone's head as Honda chased after the trunk that was speeding up to get away from Honda; they are scared of him.  
  
"Faster Henry!" screamed the truck driver in the passenger seat. "He's gaining on us!"  
  
"I can't! It's a Chevi!" Henry cried.  
  
"Beer! Beer! Beer!" chanted Honda. He leaped towards the truck and latched onto the bumper.  
  
"Ahhh!!" screamed the truck drivers.  
  
Henry slammed his foot down on the break, causing Honda to fly forward and smack his head into the back of the truck.  
  
"Ow...Anzu...frying pans belong in the kitchen, not in your hand." said Honda. He fell off the truck and landed onto the ground with swirly eyes.  
  
"Idiot." mumbled Bakura who was hiding up on the railings. "Now to take care of business."  
  
Bakura jumped down from the railings and landed near Weevil and Yugi. Yugi flailed in surprised while Weevil innocently whistled.  
  
"Hands up, alien." ordered Bakura after pulling out his gun. Everyone in the room threw their hands up.  
  
"Not you, idiots! Haven't I told you that before?" barked Bakura. He then placed a hand against his temple. "Right..I erased their memories."  
  
Everyone put his or her hands down once again and stared at Bakura. Weevil was slipping away from sight as Bakura was talking to himself. He stopped when he heard Bakura's gun click. He turned just in time to have Bakura's gun pointing at his forehead.  
  
"And where are you going? You have a date with old Betsy here."  
  
Weevil gulped.  
  
"Hey wait!" cried Yugi. "You can't kill my partner in crime!"  
  
"What he said!" said Weevil and quickly took his place beside Yugi.  
  
"We are friends to the end!"  
  
"Damn straight!"  
  
They grabbed each other's hands and got sparkly eyes as they looked each other.  
  
"..That isn't right.." said Yami. "Weevil and Yugi pairing..not friggin right one bit."  
  
"The hell are you going on about?" asked the director with a smirk on his face. "I thought that you hated Yaoi."  
  
Yami panicked and jumped back.  
  
"When the frig did you get here?"  
  
"I was always here, baka. So what is this about pairings, eh?"  
  
"...."  
  
Yami looked away with his hands behind his back. "I don't know what you are talking about."  
  
Yami made a frightened face when doujinshi books fell out from behind his back. Steve looked down and smirked; they were doujinshi about him and Yugi.  
  
"Don't know what I am talking about, huh? Then what are these?"  
  
Steve reached out to pick one up, but Yami kicked his hand away.  
  
"Touch those and I'll make you wish you never saw them." growled Yami.  
  
"Ohhh, someone has the hots for Yugi?" taunted one of the workers.  
  
"What about me?" asked Yugi. "What are you guys going on about?"  
  
"..I'm leaving now.." whispered Yami. He gathered up his doujinshi and fled towards his trailer.  
  
"The hell was that about?" said Yugi.  
  
Everyone in the room smirked at Yugi's stupidity.  
  
"Aie!" squealed Weevil. The sound of a gun shot echoed in the studio.  
  
Everyone turned to see a dead Weevil alien lying on the floor, body twitching.  
  
"Annoying aliens, too many of them lately." grumbled Bakura as he reloaded his gun.  
  
He turned to see everyone's shocked expression and Yugi looking as though he is going to cry.  
  
"My...partner.." sniffed Yugi.  
  
"Eh..you won't...remember..." started Bakura as he searched through his jacket pockets for his mind eraser. "Any...of....what the hell? Where did the blasted thing go?"  
  
Bakura perked his head up at the sound of Honda's giggling. He then could see Honda pressing the button on the mind-erasing device over and over, right in front of his eyes.  
  
"Ohhh, lots of colors." giggled Honda.  
  
"Ahhh!!! Stop wasting it you fool!" cried Bakura. He dashed over to Honda quickly. "That is not a blinding device! How the hell did you get that anyway?"  
  
"Oh? This is yours? Ok, here you go." Honda tossed it high into the air. "I found it up on the railings, I thought someone didn't want it."  
  
"Nooooooo" said Bakura in a slow motion voice.  
  
In slow motion, everyone turned his or her head to see Bakura running towards his device that was falling to the ground and reaching his hand out to catch it.  
  
"Ugh, I hate slow motion moments," complained the writer. "Time to speed things up!"  
  
Everything suddenly happened in a flash. Bakura was on his knees near his broken device, Honda was unconscious; the device hit his head and knocked him out, and people were flattened to the ground from the sudden speed up.  
  
"Damn you!" yelled Bakura. "Why! Why!! WHY!!!!!!"  
  
"Because the slow motion thing is getting old." replied the writer.  
  
"No kidding," said all of the people who have experienced the slow motion moment.  
  
Bakura was looking at his device with tears in his eyes, Yugi was looking down at Weevil with tears in his eyes, Jounouchi was looking helplessly up with tears in his eyes; no one called him an ambulance, and Yami was in his trailer with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Oh for the love of god, you're all wimps." said the writer. "I guess we'll end the show for now, till you guys toughen up."  
  
"Why..why did this have to happen?" sniffed Bakura.  
  
"If only they truly knew.." said Yami as he rocked back and forth on the floor of his trailer.  
  
"Oh well, time to find a new partner." said Yugi as he pulled out a phone book, turned to the yellow pages, and looked under "Partner's and Sidekicks" section.  
  
"...ow" said Honda.  
  
"....That was a very delayed reaction, Honda." said the writer.  
  
Will Bakura's device ever be repaired? Will Yugi find a new partner in crime? Is Yami really into Yaoi? Will someone call poor Jounouchi an ambulance?? Who was behind the sabotaging of Yugi's bomb of destruction? Will Yugi find a new partner? And will Anzu ever be ok?  
  
The answer to Anzu's question is, no. Find out the rest of the answers in the next Episode of Yu-Gi-Oh Behind the Scenes!  
  
**Well, there is episode 3. I'll try to write more in episode 4 when I get more funny ideas. I hope this one didn't bore you ^^'. ** 


	4. Episode 4: Night of the living vending m...

Episode 4: Night of the living vending machines?? Part 1  
  
"Ahhhh!" cried Honda. "Where did the beer mobile go?"  
  
He got to his feet and frantically looked around for the Budwiser truck.  
  
"Damn them!" he yelled. "I wanted to go back to bikini land!"  
  
"Will someone please call me an ambulance?!" screamed Jounouchi.  
  
Everyone was ignoring poor Jou while he was in great pain. He was begging walking by workers to get him an ambulance and yet they ignored him.  
  
"Ya ya, after I call the Side Kick Corporation I'll get your stupid ambulance," called Yugi who was looking over a list of available side kicks. "Hmmmm...this one sounds perfect."  
  
While Jounouchi whimpered in pain nobody noticed that Anzu was squished into the ground like a pancake from the passing by Budwiser truck in the pervious episode. A worker was passing by and he stepped right onto her.  
  
"Hmmm..comfy. Oy, Chris, we finally got our new door mat!" he called to his friend.  
  
"Alright! I can finally stop using Yami's costumes!" Chris cried happily. "Let's take it outside; its starting to rain and people will be having muddy feet."  
  
Chris went over to his friend and they both took one end of the pancake Anzu and carried her off.  
  
"Help me...." squeaked the pancake Anzu.  
  
Yugi, having heard Anzu, replied, "Alright Jounouchi! I know you want attention but whining about it won't help! I'll call you're ambulance in a minute!"  
  
Little did Yugi realize Jounouchi managed to go to a pay phone and call for one; they arrived and took him away ten minutes ago.  
  
Meanwhile with Bakura.  
  
"Ok....this is gonna be tough.."  
  
Bakura is lying on the floor with a small tool kit beside him; he is trying to repair his mind eraser that Honda stupidly destroyed.  
  
"Hmmmm....what does this wire do?" he asked himself.  
  
He used a pair of pliers and tugged at a purple cord. He then snipped it. Crickets chirped as the room remained silent. Nothing happened.  
  
"....Ok.....I don't see the point of this wire," said Bakura. "So lets move on. Once I get this fixed I'll be sure to make it stronger so Honda will suffer brain damage if he gets his hands on this again."  
  
While Bakura was tending to his mind eraser, the sound of scraping metal moving echoed through the empty filming room.  
  
**  
  
"Yami! Get your butt out of that trailer!" yelled the director. "You can't stay in there forever! I am not paying you to sit there and mope; unless you are doing it in a movie."  
  
Yami had been in the trailer for hours and never bothered to come out to have his daily can of diet soda that Mokuba would bring to him.  
  
"Go the frig away!" Yami yelled back. "I'm not coming out! Mokuba, diet soda!"  
  
"I'm outside sir, how can I give you a soda if you won't let anyone in your trailer?" asked Mokuba.  
  
"....Damnit!" cursed Yami.  
  
"You'll have to come out eventually," said the director. "We all know you can't live without diet sodas."  
  
Yami starting to whimper can be heard from the trailor.  
  
"Ahhh, there is nothing wrong with expressing your sexuality, Yami-kun," teased the writer.  
  
"Go stuff a Pepsi can in your mouth, wench," growled Yami. "You have no idea."  
  
"....How rude!" yelled the writer. "And what is that suppose to mean? We saw what you were carrying!"  
  
She started to puff her cheeks up like a Jigglypuff. "And I will not be talked to like that!"  
  
"Yami! You just had to open your insulting mouth again!" cried the director. "Now you've doomed us all, again!"  
  
"What's the worse she can do?" said Yami with a smirk. "I'm afraid of the pepsi lover. I bet she would marry a man who wears a Pepsi getup."  
  
"Ohhhhhh, your just digging your grave deeper!" growled the writer. "I'd rather not see a man in Pepsi spandex."  
  
The entire area suddenly grew silent. Yami lifted his head up and blinked at the silence.  
  
"The hell?"  
  
He got to his feet and trotted over to the window. He pushed back the curtains, then fell back as many screams filled his ears.  
  
"Ahh! The frig was that?" cried Yami as he got to his feet.  
  
He stood up in front of the window and peered out. His jaw dropped to the ground at the sight he saw.  
  
People were running around and being chased by what appeared to be living diet soda vending machines. They were tackling people, jumping up and down on them, and shooting diet soda cans at them. Oh the horror!  
  
"...Oh...censored!" swore Yami.  
  
"Hey! Watch the potty mouth!" yelled the enraged writer. "Kids are reading this you know and we can't have that kind of language!"  
  
"The hell are you talking about? You censored my word!" growled Yami.  
  
"Are you questioning me?" threatened the writer.  
  
"What does it look like?" asked Yami as his eyes narrowed at the ceiling.  
  
"Grrrrrr! Now I know how the shrimp feels!" grumbled the writer. "You are mean!"  
  
"Whatcha going to do then? Send your stupid living vending machines after me?" questioned Yami in a mocking voice. "Bring them on then!"  
  
"...Living vending machines?" asked the writer in a confused tone. "What kind of stupid creation is that? I could do better then send living vending machines after you. I'd rather crush you with Pepsi cans."  
  
"....Wait....the vending machines outside.....aren't yours?" asked Yami as his face started to turn pale.  
  
The writer took hold of her writing and scanned through the papers. She muttered softly as she read through it, then her face fell.  
  
"The hell??" gasped the writer. "Where did those come from? I didn't plan this out! Ewwww....they are diet! AHHH! Even worse! They are diet non-brand soda!"  
  
Yami covered his ears with his hands as the writer went into a fit of screams.  
  
"Damnit women! Get a hold of yourself!" yelled Yami through the screams. "You're the writer of this fic so fix the mess outside!"  
  
"I....I can't!" sobbed the writer. "I'm afraid of non-brand sodas! I think I need to lay down...."  
  
"....Well this is just great!" Yami said angrily. "What are we gonna do about this now? Don't you have any ideas on you?"  
  
"I do indeed," said the writer. "To be continued!"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" screamed Yami. "You can't do that! You just can't! I forbid you to do this! You can't leave me waiting for instructions!"  
  
"Who's gonna stop me?" scowled the writer. "You want me to make a plan, right?"  
  
"Well...uh....ya....that would be nice," said Yami.  
  
"Well, I am suffering from one of the worse diseases a writer could ever get...." said the writer in a hushed voice.  
  
Yami gasped loudly.  
  
"No....you can't mean...." his eyes went wide.  
  
"I'm afraid so..." said the writer, her eyes lowering to the floor.  
  
"Oh my god.....oh my god," whispered Yami. "Oh my frigging god! The writer has arthritis!"  
  
With a frown the writer started to type something. A few Pepsi cans appeared over Yami's head and one at a time landed on his head.  
  
"Baka!" cried the writer each time a soda can hit his head. "Baka! (BANG!) Baka! (BANG!) Baka! (BANG!) Baka! (BANG!)"  
  
Yami fell to the floor, twitching madly from the soda cans.  
  
"No fellow writers, I do not have arthritis," announced the writer. "I have the severe case of.....writer's block!"  
  
Suddenly, the Ghostbusters theme started to play in the background; it was suppose to be horror music.  
  
"..Wrong tape! Wrong tape!" cried the writer.  
  
"Oops, sorry boss," said Mai. "I was listening to that on my player but panicked when I heard that your scene with the music was coming up. I must've switched our tapes by mistake since I was in a rush."  
  
"But you had hours to prepare!" whined the writer. "Why did you have to go and ruin my moment?"  
  
"Eh....er.....ah..." Mai was becoming speechless.  
  
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....." sobbed the writer. "You characters are so mean!"  
  
"Oh great," said Yami who had recovered from the Pepsi can attack. "What are we going to do now? The writer is acting like a baby, living vending machines are all over the place, Mai isn't doing her job right, and I still haven't gotten my friggin diet soda!!"  
  
"My my," said the narrator. "What has this world gotten into? Will Chibi- chan fight off the writer's block disease? Has Jounouchi made it safely to the hospital? Will someone manage to defeat the living vending machines? Did someone solve the mystery of the pepsi cans in Wheevil's bomb of destruction? Will Anzu's spend the rest of her life as a door mat?"  
  
"And will.....awww screw it, there are too many questions to ask and too many to answer. The answer to Anzu's question is......yes. Just stay turned for the next episode of Yu-Gi-Oh behind the Scenes!"  
  
"Hey, where did you come from?" asked the writer. "I've never seen you before! I really need a break, too many weirdo's popping up."  
  
**It is true that I am having writer's block. I just hope that you like this chapter! I promise to give you more insanity when I get more ideas. Ja ne!** 


	5. Evil Commercials

**Cherior-chan threatened to take my Kumagouro away if I didn't write the next chapter of this fic ;_; Since I am not quite over the damn writer's block on this I thought I should do something a little different.**  
  
WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU COMMERICALS BECAUSE WE CAN AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!  
  
Screen turns multicolored for a moment.  
  
Screen: beeeeeeeeeeeeep  
  
Announcer suddenly comes on as well as a huge sign that says "Cooking with Malik".  
  
Announcer: Learn from the best cook ever! Malik Ishtar!  
  
Malik: *holds his Millennium Rod in his hands and looks up to wave innocently*  
  
Announcer: Learn basic steps from this wonderful cooking master.  
  
Malik: *muttering* Where's the damn chopping knife? *starts to look around the kitchen frantically*  
  
Announcer: Easy things like chopping!  
  
Camera moves to Malik. Malik looks around frantically for a knife, then looks at his Millennium Rod. He smirks and draws out the knife within it. He then looks the chicken meat on the table and begins to hack at it with his Millennium Rod blade. Announcer just stares at him for a moment.  
  
Announcer: Uhhh, ya............*cough* Don't forget meat tenderizing!  
  
Yami Bakura: *is chewing on the raw steak that was left on the table for Malik to pound* Blood............needs more blood..............  
  
Announcer: *looks to Yami Bakura* How the heck did you get in here?!  
  
Yami Bakura: Got fired for grossing people out from my tendency to lick sharp objects and eat raw steak.  
  
Malik: *pulls face back in disgust* I don't blame them, that is pretty twisted. Now stop eating that!  
  
Yami Bakura: *holds onto the plate of steak* Mine!  
  
Malik: *lunges himself at Yami Bakura* Mine! It is my damn cooking show!  
  
Announcer: *watches the two of them fight over the piece of steak* Umm............Ummm.............*turns head and calls behind the stage* Under-study! You're on!  
  
Ryuuji happily wonders out from behind the stage with a huge ax in his hands. Announcer doesn't seem to notice the ax in his hands because he is facing the camera. Cameraman tries to point towards Ryuuji to get the announcer's attention but he thinks it was just a gesture for him to start speaking.  
  
Announcer: Learn from Ryuuji Otogi on how to do simple methods in cooking. Simple things like chopping!  
  
Ryuuji swings his ax down onto the plate of pork and shatters the plate as well as breaking the table in half. He blinks.  
  
Ryuuji: These tables are cheaply made. They are not ax proof!  
  
Announcer turns around to see the ax embedded into the table and the table cut in half. He gaps at Ryuuji as if he had gone mad. Ryuuji puts his hand behind his head and chuckles sheepishly.  
  
Announcer: Ahhh, forget it! *tosses his note cards up in the air and then heads over to the snack bar*  
  
Sign shows up.  
  
Sign: Do not try the following events at home. Using toys to slice your meat products might contaminate them. Chewing on raw stake may contain tapeworms or other parasites so be cautious! Using axes to chop meat is NOT the proper way to cut meat. Please discuss these following events with your child or parents if they are doing any of the following. Thank you.  
  
Out of the commercial's world, Mokuba is sitting in front of the TV with his mouth hanging open. He looks to his brother.  
  
Mokuba: You heard them, big brother. Stop using your inventions to chop meat. You can use a kitchen knife like everyone else does!  
  
Kaiba: *leaning against the wall* Don't believe everything they tell you on TV, Mokuba.  
  
Mokuba: But............  
  
Seto: *holds finger up and shakes it* None of that. Now then, who wants chicken soup? *happily holds up an automatic chopping knife he made with a huge grin on his face*  
Back to commercial world.  
  
Singers: Du du du du du duuuwaaaaaaaaaaa  
  
Malik is in the kitchen trying to make Yami Bakura a wonderful steak with blood all over it.  
  
Singer: It doesn't matter what comes, freshness is always by (I think that is how the song goes but I can't remember. If I messed it up tell me and I'll fix it). With mentoes freshness for all life!  
  
Malik opens oven and pulls out a completely black steak. Yami Bakura stares at it and suddenly bursts into tears. Malik looks quite bewildered over the fact he burnt the steak.  
  
Singer: Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool. With mentoes freshness for all life!  
  
Malik looks thoughtful and then snaps his fingers. He takes out his mentoes and pops one into his mouth. He runs out of the kitchen for a moment. Yami Bakura blinks and sits down at the table to wait. Malik returns happily with a steak shaped like Yami.  
  
Singer: Fresh goes better with mentoes freshness  
  
Yami Bakura happily attacks the Yami shaped steak while Malik sits back with his head held proudly up. He takes out his mentoes again and pops another one into his mouth.  
  
Singer: Fresh goes better with mentoes freshness for all life!  
  
Yami Bakura looks up at Malik with a sastified look. Malik grins and then shows him his pack of mentoes.  
  
Singer: Mentoes, the freshmaker!  
  
Yami Bakura: *grabs the mentoes and stuffs all of the mint candy into his mouth*  
  
Malik: *blinks* Hey!!! Get your own damn mentoes!  
  
Yami Bakura: Why should I pay a dollar for a pack when you can provide them for me for free? *beams proudly*  
  
Malik: You know, I just cannot stand all of your abuse during these past commercials! You never appreciate me! I cook your meals, I clean your home, and do everything for you and you don't show me any appreciation towards it!  
  
Yami Bakura: *looks at him* I don't make you cook and clean for me, you do that completely on your own.  
  
Malik: That's not that point!  
  
Announcer: You know, at this point, if you two continue to bicker we will only have Ryuuji available to do both your jobs. So I suggest you two get along or else find work someplace else.  
  
Yami Bakura and Malik turn to glare at each other. Ryuuji hops up to them and then latches his arms around his neck.  
  
Ryuugi: You know what they say, guys. *clears throat and starts to sing* You got a friend in need, you got a friend in ne-  
  
Yami Bakura and Malik's eyes both twitch from Ryuuji's annoying singing voice and then they both lunge onto him. They take off his bandanna and try to use it to gag him.  
Backstage  
Isis: *sighs softly* I guess this means I won't be able to do my commercial now...........oh well. *shrugs her shoulders and then dumps gold down the dumpster; she was going to have a commercial on how to make your own Millennium items*  
Commercials end.  
Mai: Well that was a lot of fun, right fans? ............Right?  
  
Place is completely empty now.  
  
Chibi-chan: *has finally recovered from the shock of non-brand soda's taking over her show* Huh? What? What's been going on?  
  
Mai: Ummmm, you were out for a while so we decided to improvise. *smiles nervously*  
  
Chibi-chan: *turns eyes to Mai* ............Improvise?  
  
Mai: ..............*whistles and then turns on her tape player*  
  
Chibi-chan: *looks through a video tape with copies of the commercials* *sits down with popcorn bag in her arm to watch it*  
  
Ten minutes later.  
  
Chibi-chan: ..............*staring at the screen*  
  
Mai: ...........ma'am?  
  
Chibi-chan: *turns her head slowly to look over at Mai* How dare you guys come up with juicy stuff like this. I come up with the good stuff here!  
  
Mai: *hangs head* Yes ma'am.  
  
Yami: Ummmm............people..........  
  
Chibi-chan: What do you want now, diet boy?  
  
Yami: We have a crisis here you still have to solve!  
  
Chibi-chan: Oh right, that. To be continued still.  
  
Yami: ..........that's it?!?!?  
  
Chibi-chan: I'm still not over my disease, give me a break.  
  
Yami: How can you get arthritis at your age? What are you, 62 years old?  
  
Chibi-chan: *left eye twitches madly* When I am over my writers block you are so going to pay for that.  
  
Yami: Another thing, why are we writing in this format?  
  
Chibi-chan: Because it was easier. I'll switch back to story format when I am filled with idea's.  
  
Yami: We'll hurry up! The crisis is getting worse here!  
  
Chibi-chan: Alright alright *plops down on her computer and stares at it* Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, but this is for the fans! *cracks knuckles and starts typing like mad*  
  
Mai: *looks to the fans* Ummmm............it's gonna be awhile..............please be patient. *plays Ghost Busters song for people's enjoyment*  
  
**Gomen, I'll trying to bring up the next chappy soon. I am starting to get some idea's but for now please be patient!**  
  
KittyRyuuichi (aka ChibiChanLain) 


End file.
